Topsy Turvy Contest - Prime's Bad Day

Topsy Turvy Contest - Optimus Prime's Bad Bay


'Enough!' Optimus Prime slammed his hands on Teletraan-One's console, causing the computer to short circuit and black out.

Bumblebee was forced to take a step back. He'd never seen Prime like this before and he swore he could see steam escaping from his leader's concealing faceplate. He wasn't alone in his shock as Jazz, Wheeljack and Ratchet looked to each other, unsure of how to handle the situation.

'I don't ask for much. All I'm asking for is one day, ONE, when we don't have to deal with fuel shortages or parts shortages or test after test of Wheeljack's self-destruction weapons, or -'

'In Wheeljack's defence, Prime,' Ratchet began. 'He's-'

'Don't you start!' Prime addressed the medic. 'He blows up something, you sweep it under the base somewhere until it either burns or explodes.'

'That's very unfair, Prime.'

'Oh yeah? The fabulous Dinobot project. That worked a treat, didn't it?'

'It has its rough edges.' Ratchet apologised.

'"Rough"? You can say that.’

'Prime-'

'How many times have they run rampant?'

'Well-'

'How many?' Prime placed a hand to his audio.

'Five, or six. Depends.' Ratchet replied meekly.

'Thank you!' Prime threw his hands up in the air. '"Five or six, depending". What joy it would be not to exit from recharge to the scent of burning circuitry.'

C'mon, Prime man. Chill.' Jazz rose to Ratchet's defence. 'Ratch here's-'

'Jazz, I've got three words:' Prime stabbed a digit to Jazz's chest plating, 'Whitesnake. Not cool.'

'Awh man...' Jazz visibly crumpled under the Prime's words. 'You don't mean that, man.'

'Not cool!' Prime spread his arms wide. 'Not happening. Ever!'

'Prime,' Bumblebee ran to console Jazz who sunk to the deckplates in despair. 'This isn't like you. Why are you-'

His complaints were drowned out by the base's emergency klaxons, signalling a Decepticon incursion into their base's perimeter.

'And now this.' Prime growled and punched the air in anger. 'Frag!'

Before anyone present could try to calm him down he stomped away, making for the base's main entrance.

'Where's he going?' Jazz asked.

'If I didn't know any better I'd swear he's gone to take care of the Decepticons himself. C'mon!'

By the time Prime reached the main entrance Megatron's forces had landed and set up a small perimeter of attack, with the warlord perched nearby, eager for a quick victory.

'Megatron!'

Megatron lowered his cannon and looked behind him, surprised to find Prime approaching him so openly across the battlefield.

'Prime?' Megatron grinned, 'delivering yourself into my hands so earl-'

'Enough with the long winded frag!' Prime cut in angrily. 'I'm so tired to my spark to hear so much griping!'

'What?' Megatron was shocked by Prime's words. He'd never heard him speak so curtly before. He was further taken aback when Prime walked straight up to him and delivered a punch directly onto his faceplates.

He grunted and fell back on his aft as Prime followed up with a barrage of angry kicks.

'I hate every time you drop by just because you have nothing better to do! Can't you spend one day lounging or counting widgets without going: "Say, let's drop by on the Autobots and frag up their day, because it'd be good for a laugh"?'

'What in the universe-'

'Can it, bucket helm!' Prime picked up Megatron, shaking him. 'Can't you do anything without boring the universe with your jabbering?! Don't you ever get the idea that maybe, just maybe, we've had enough of your frag around here for a while?!'

'Prime-'

'I said can it!' Prime lifted Megatron overhead and flung him across the battlefield before directing his attention to Megatron's forces.

Soundwave was next to feel Prime's wrath, so busy directing communications across the battlefield that he failed to notice the Autobot leader advancing towards him until Prime seized him and turned him around to face him.

'Optimus Prime!' Soundwave's monotone was tinged with surprise.

'Can hear a fly sneeze but didn't hear me coming? Now that's false advertising. Can you hear this?' He cupped one hand over Soundwave's audio, 'stop being a creep and get a life!'

Soundwave groaned, deafened by the Prime's booming tones, and in his panic activated Ravage's release.

'Can't you do anything without that damned cat?' Prime slammed Soundwave's chest release closed, leaving Ravage in the awkward predicament of being partially ejected, so one paw projected awkwardly alongside his snout.

'It's like a circus with the two of you. Wait, where's the clown act?' He looked skywards, trying to spot a familiar silver flyer. Almost in response Starscream landed close to Soundwave, sneering at the Comm Officer's predicament.

'And here's the clown. The only one of you that doesn't make me laugh.' Prime uttered.

'What?' Starscream asked, startled Optimus Prime had spoken to him so curtly. 'How dare you! I-'

'Blah blah and blah!' Prime left Soundwave to deal with Ravage trying to claw its way out of his chest casing and turned his attention to Starscream.

'Stay back!' Starscream warned, levelling his shoulder rifle at Prime.

'Clueless as ever. Typical Starscream.' Prime swooped on the Air Commander and within moments had tumbled him to the ground, 'how Megatron puts up with your grating day in and day out I'll never know.'

'Let go of me!' Starscream whine as Prime swung him overhead.

'Tell me something, Starscream.' Prime asked. 'How is it you're supposed to be this supposedly deadly warrior, and yet all you do is whine from sunrise to sunset? Where exactly did you graduate from?'

'War Academy!' Starscream cried.

'Try again.' Prime brought the Seeker down like a sack of potatoes before swinging him overhead once again.

'War Academy!' Starscream repeated, growing more and more panicked at the Prime's actions.

'Wrong answer!' Prime slammed him down once again and swung him overhead, this time spinning around.

'I-I-I dropped out!' Starscream finally answered truthfully. 'I swear! I-I dropped out!'

'Before graduation?'

'Before the first trimara was up!' The Seeker cried. 'I never took the military exams. I graduated offworld.'

'So what did you graduate in?'

'Cookery!'

Prime dropped the seeker and granted him a look of utter astonishment.

'Cookery?'

'I-It's true.' Starscream nodded quickly, crawling back from the Prime.

'Cookery? As in energon pastries, mixes-'

'Jams, comfits, candies. That kind of thing. I... Megatron never checked my qualifications. He never checks paperwork, he hates it.'

Prime felt his anger fade and he doubled over laughing.

Starscream took to the skies and fled. Soundwave too, did his best to calm Ravage before taking to the skies and retreating.
Megatron, completely astonished and considering this was a trap ordered a retreat.

It wasn’t long before the Autobot forces gathered about Prime, glad to see their leader had overcome whatever madness had seized him earlier.

'Prime, are you all right?' Bumblebee stepped closer to him.

'Fine, Bumblebee. Just fine.' Prime looked down, still laughing.

'How do you feel?' Bumblebee asked.

'Much better.' Prime replied, looking in the directions where the Decepticons had fled. 'Now I know that in this war, unlike Starscream and some of my forces, at least I can find my aft in the dark.'

Everyone stood astonished by the Prime's words and looked on as their leader proceeded back into the base.

Finis